Lately I’ve been in a funk. I’ve been feeling bad about myself and my life. I’ve been focusing on the negative and feeling sorry for myself. I have been letting the fear and sadness overwhelm me. Yes, right now life is hard and it may very well get harder before it gets easier, but that’s a part of life. I know better than to let myself sit in a funk and feeling sorry for myself never helps anything at all. So today I was scrolling through facebook and I saw this:

Want to join me in a gratitude festival?  List 10 things you're grateful for.  I'll start...  I'm grateful for the bird's song.  I'm grateful for the Flowing with Change members.  I'm grateful for my son, my home, and my sense of purpose.  I'm grateful for my friends.  I'm grateful for Essence, this breathe, awareness.  I'm grateful for Facebook!

I figured it was a pretty good way to start digging myself out of my bad mood. Let’s get back to the good stuff! So here’s my list:

  1. Marissa. No big surprise there. Anyone who knows me know that she is my biggest blessing.
  2. Shawn. Even though sometimes he is more trouble than he is help, I know that I can always count on him to have my back. He makes me smile and is the only one who can always make me laugh even when I REALLY don’t want to.
  3. My fur babies. Smokey, Paisley, and Doodle, and maybe even Rissa’s rodents (Taz, Edward, and Spotty) They are all warm and soft and they love me unconditionally (as long as they have kibble).
  4. My parents. No, we don’t always get along and we argue more often than I would like, but they have always been there and this last year they have really helped keep us afloat.
  5. My friends. My friends are awesome and I appreciate each and every one.
  6. Facebook. I know that facebook gets a bad rap and some of it is deserved, but the truth is that I love it. When I need a quick answer that I can’t find elsewhere I know I can post on facebook and someone will know. I can talk to friends who live far away. I can get suggestions for a problem or encouragement when I am down. I can play games and share pictures and have fun all from the comfort of my little house.
  7. Scrapbooking. It is a source of enjoyment, relaxation, and creative output. It not only preserves memories from the past, but also provides insight for the future.
  8. My home. It may not be much, but it is mine. I may not get to keep it, but while I have it I am grateful for it.
  9. Wii. It allows me to have fun with my family, to relax and unwind, to challenge my mind, hand/eye coordination, and mental flexibility. It gives me many ways to exercise so I can get stronger and healthier. It is more than just a game system to me.
  10. My health. No, I am not super healthy or physically fit, but I am still alive and kicking and I’m getting stronger every day.

I realize that I have a lot of blessings, a lot of good things in my life, and I have a lot more than many others. I am thankful for all that I have. What are you thankful for?



Inch by Inch

This week I not only weighed in but also did my monthly measurements. I am sad to say that this week I only lost 0.8 of a pound and this month I only lost 3.5 inches. Of course my first reaction was to be devastated, frustrated, sad, and even a little angry. I allowed myself to feel all of that for about five minutes. Then I sat down and went over my journal to see where I got off track. I keep track of everything I eat and drink on sparkpeople.com. That is all of my calories in. I keep track of all of my exercise in my written journal. I keep track of all the calories I burn on Bodymedia.com. That is all of my calories out. At the end of every day, in my journal I write down calories eaten, calories burned, total activity, moderate activity, vigorous activity, and steps taken. I can look back at any time and see what I have and have not done. This week was not my best. It was super hot and I hurt a lot . I barely left the house and I did not get my steps in. I have been stressed out a lot and I have not been sleeping well. All of this adds up to not losing as much weight as I wanted to. I can say that I’m glad that I didn’t gain weight, but I still hate that I didn’t lose more. I know that it’s a bad week and I can do better next week. I WILL do better next week. I will get my steps in and hit my burn every day. I need to get in more meditation and yoga to help balance the stress. Hopefully Shawn will find a job soon and we can start getting caught up on bills. That would do so much to lower my stress level and I know that less stress means better weight loss. I also know that I need to watch what I eat more closely because it is SO easy to slip back into the habit of emotional eating. While I didn’t go crazy with my food at all this week, I did eat a little more junk than I should have. It is probably part of the reason why I hurt more. My body rejects junk. I feel better when I eat better. So I will eat better. I know that this isn’t a battle or a war, it’s a lifelong struggle that I will always have to stay on top of. I cannot let myself get frustrated and get off track. I will not be defeated. I know what works and what hurts. So onward I go towards my goal, towards a healthier life. My weight this week is 474.8.

Why Can’t We Be Friends?

I never used to have a hard time making friends. I used to have lots of friends. The older I get, the harder it is for me to make friends. Since I moved to Perry County last summer, I have not made one friend here. It is a little disheartening. I would love to have a scrapbook buddy to scrap with, an exercise buddy to lose weight with, or a couple of friends to hang out with and play cards. It would be nice to have friends over for a bonfire on a nice summer night. These are things I miss about living close to a lot of friends. I don’t know why it is so hard to make friends now. Maybe people, myself included, are too mistrusting. Maybe we’re all afraid of getting hurt or getting involved with someone crazy or unstable. I don’t know. I only know that I try to always be a good person and some days I’m better at it than other days. In a perfect world there would be a nice couple around my age that Shawn and I could be friends with and they would have a nice girl around Rissa’s ago for her to be friends with and we could all be great friends. In a less perfect world I would settle for mostly sane, half intelligent people who understand that my daughter comes before all else in my world. We don’t smoke, but we don’t have a problem with smokers as long as you don’t smoke in our house. We drink occasionally, but don’t care if you drink or not. We like to hang out, watch movies, play video games/cards/board games, bowl, hike, and enjoy nature. I love crafts, especially scrapbooking. He loves cars and Nascar. We’re pretty open-minded for the most part. I think we’re good peoples 🙂 We’re not perfect, but we try to be as good as we can be. Why can’t we be friends?

Sometimes I’m Not So Hot

I’ve been running (several short sprints) almost every day for the last couple of months, but I haven’t formally started training for my 5k. I printed out the chart to help me get prepared and I have been kind of following it. Today I signed up for the Sparkpeople.com virtual 5k which is happening sooner than the other 5k I’m doing. This one is a virtual race, so you run it anywhere and then sign in and enter your time. You can run anytime between July 29 – August 4. You can check it out here: http://www.sparkpeople.com/myspark/summersp5k.asp

So today I looked at the paper about how to train for a 5k. I decided I would officially start training, so I got my shoes and watch on and I started walking 4 minutes and running 1 minute which I would repeat 5 times. I was about 7 minutes in when Shawn comes in and asks what I’m doing. I tell him and he says, “Shouldn’t we be on the track training instead?” I said, “It’s too hot outside today”, but I decided to go out in the driveway and try it anyway. I lasted 15 minutes outside. It was so hot and humid that I was soaking wet and I couldn’t breathe. My muscles were cramping and I thought I’d die. Now I know that I am not an elite athlete in terrific shape, but I was surprised that it was that hard for me. With my tail tucked between my legs I came back inside to the comfort of the AC. Because I was disappointed in myself I did a long, hard EA workout and it made me feel a little better. Yes I have come so far in the last six months, but I sometimes forget how much further I have to go. Sometimes I forget that I’m not 10 feet tall and bulletproof.

Weight Loss Photo Journey June 18, 2012

These are pics from June 18, 2012. My weight here is 475.6.

Goal Chart

I decided to make goal charts for Shawn, Marissa and I. My goal is lose 3.5 pounds a week, Shawn’s is to lose 2 pounds a week and Marissa’s is to lose 1 pound a week. I cut up a poster board and drew the charts, then Rissa and I decorated ours, while Shawn decided to leave his plain. Our charts are for 8 weeks from today, Sunday June 17, 2012 until Sunday, August 5, 2012. In that time Shawn wants to lose 16 pounds, Marissa 8 pounds, and I want to lose 28 pounds. We each got to choose a (non food) reward that we will receive if we hit our goal weight on or before August 5. Marissa chose a new Build-A-Bear, Shawn chose a hike anywhere that he picks, and I chose to go to a renaissance fair. I think we all made pretty good choices and it makes me happy that Shawn and I both chose family activities that are healthy. I also decided to start taking pictures of myself once a week so that I can have a visual of the weight as it comes off. I should have done that 155 pounds ago, but it’s better late than never. So, today we weighed in and every one of us lost more than our weekly goal this week! So we are starting off on a good foot. Hopefully we will continue to hit our goals and we will get healthier all the time. My weight this week is 475.6.