It’s all those little things that add up to make my life a hundred times better than it was two months ago and a thousand times better than it was 3-4 years ago. Lately my life is rocking awesome and I owe a HUGE thanks to Body by Vi for that. I know that I am the one making the changes and doing the work, but honestly, Vi is totally making it easier to lose weight, feel better and get healthy! In any case, my life is better and it keeps getting better all the time. I can, obviously, give you a few BIG reasons why it’s better, but I can give you many small reasons. Sometimes things sneak up on me and shock me, but some are obvious all along the way. Sometimes it’s not until I’m talking to someone that I realize some differences. Yes the big changes are exciting and obvious, but the little things, the baby steps, are what add up to make the overall life changes.
The other day I was talking to someone about my life when I was at my highest weight.In some ways, it is VERY difficult to talk about because I remember feeling so miserable, so afraid and hurting so much. In some ways I enjoy talking about life then because I am so much better than I was then and because I know that I will NEVER go back there again. It was an awful time in my life. I talk about it so that I will always remember what I am fighting for and why I cannot go back. I talk about it because maybe my pain, my mistakes, my failures and my successes will help someone one else. That is a huge part of why I am making my journey so public, because if one person is helped by my story, then it is all worthwhile.
So, I was talking about when I was at my highest weight and what it was like. It was like hell. I was miserable. I hurt all the time. I hurt ALL THE TIME. I hurt physically, mentally and emotionally. I slept through most of my life for over a year because it was easier to sleep than to hurt or deal with the negatives.
During that time, I was constantly afraid. I was afraid of leaving the house and people seeing me and judging me. I was afraid of becoming housebound because I always loved being around people. I was afraid to move because it hurt and I sweated so much and my heart would race. I was afraid that I was headed for a wheelchair, or worse, being bed-bound. I was afraid of falling because I wouldn’t be able to get back up. I was afraid of being alone because I needed help with everything. I was afraid that Shawn would leave me because I was weak and sick, fat and pathetic, needy and emotional, and just no fun. I was afraid that Shawn would stay with me out of loyalty and obligation and be miserable. I was afraid that Marissa would start to hate me and even more afraid that she would grow up to be like me. My biggest fear was that I was going to go to sleep and not wake up again and that Marissa would be the one to find me. I would fall asleep and wake up in a massive panic attack because I kept having that same nightmare over and over. I think it was my mind and body ganging up to tell me that it was time for a change. Although it took me a little while, I finally listened.
It’s funny because people ask me all the time how I started and the simple truth is one step at a time, literally. I got up and walked around my house for five minutes at a time several times a day. That might not seem like much, but at the time it took all that I had. Five minutes and I was sweating buckets and sucking wind. I did that a couple of times a day at first. Then I got a rollator walker and I started walking outside. It was very very slow at first and I had to take constant breaks. I started doing light strength training and very light cardio. I literally baby stepped my way into starting to lose weight. I started keeping a food journal and trying to just eat healthier. I did NOT diet. I started making lifestyle changes and slow ones at first!
I went from almost bed-bound and eating 6,000 calories a day to moving around a little and eating 3,000 (or less) calories a day. So, at first the weight started falling right off. I lost a lot of weight quickly and I noticed that as the weight came off, I hurt less and I felt better. I was breathing easier which gave me more energy which made me want to move more. I purchased a Wii, which to this day is one of the very best purchases I have ever made! I started exercising with the Wii every other day or so. At first I had to sit down every few minutes even on the easiest levels. I baby stepped my way into being able to exercise for longer periods of time, more often, and on higher levels. It took me months to be able to exercise for fifteen straight minutes. Was it frustrating? Yes, sometimes. Was it difficult? Yes, often. Was it worth it? TOTALLY!!! I seriously doubt that I would still be alive to write this blog if I had not started with those baby steps.
If you are overweight, out of shape, in pain, sick, or unhappy and you feel like giving up, DON’T! If you think you are too far gone and cannot possibly recover, you CAN! Take one step, one small step, and then another. It may not be easy and it may not be overnight, but you WILL get there. I am getting there one baby step at a time and so can you.
If you want to join me on my walk, here are some links: