I tell my daughter, Marissa, all the time that she is the only one who can control herself. She has control over her actions, her behavior and her attitude. I tell her to think about the kind of person that she wants to be and then act that way. I totally feel like we have control over who we are. We cannot control our feelings, but we can control how much power they have over us. We cannot control other people, but we can control how we react to them. I believe this talk with all my heart and yet lately I have not been walking the walk.
I am, by my nature, a very emotional person. I am sensitive and I feel emotion quickly and strongly. I laugh quickly and cry easily. I get angry and I get hurt. This is all part of who I am and I cannot change this about myself. I have an amazing ability to love people in almost an instant and once I love them I love them always, even when I don’t like them anymore. I want to take care of the people that I care about. I would walk through fire and give everything I have for those that I love. That’s just how I roll.
On the flip side, I have a quick temper and I tend to hold onto a grudge unless I force myself to let it go. I am oversensitive and I get hurt easily. I have a hard time trusting people that I do not know and I am always afraid of getting hurt. I tend to push people away before they have a chance to hurt me. I can be a very pessimistic and negative person. These are things about myself that I don’t like. They make me the kind of person that I do not want to be and most of the time I actively try to overcome them. Lately I have not been doing this. Lately I have been letting the darkness win and the negativity, anger, fear, pain and sadness have been weighing me down.
The kind of person that I want to be is happy, friendly, trusting, strong and open. I want to be all the best parts of me and few of the bad. I want to be optimistic and hopeful all the time. I want to laugh more than I cry. I want to not let other people’s issues affect me. I live my life for me and how they feel about me should not affect my happiness. I want to be the best Min that I can be and nothing else.
So here I am, today, refocusing. I am going to try harder to be better. I have control over the type of person that I want to be and I will be who I want to be. Goodness knows I can talk the talk and now I will walk the walk.