My What’s In A Name Rant


I have a rant. It is a small thing I know, but it has bothered me so many times and I feel the need to complain about it. Please feel free to ignore this blog. It is largely written so I can get the emotions out without actually screaming at an actual person. I am just venting my frustration. Of course if you do read it and realize that it applies to you, maybe it will do some good in that regard too. People’s feelings matter.

I have a rant. I do realize that it is petty. I recognize and admit that it makes me egotistical. I know that in the grand scheme of things, it is small and not overly important. All that being said, it totally pisses me off when someone spells my name wrong.

When I was born my parents decided to name me Mindi and they spelled it M-I-N-D-I. That is my name. I did not pick it nor did I choose how to spell it. My mother wanted my name to be Mindisue. It didn’t end up that way. To be completely honest, I do not like my name and I never have, but it is what it is and I live with it.

When most people hear my name they assume that it is spelled in the traditional way and I forgive them the mistake. I am even understanding and forgiving of the casual acquaintance who misspells it. What really bothers me are the friends and family who I have known for years who still spell my name wrong. I think that after knowing me so long they would know this about me. What bothers me the most is the people who look right at my name and spell it wrong. It has happened with teachers, doctors, and others who have my name clearly written in front of them and yet they still spell it wrong. Facebook is the most common scene of this crime. When you are on my Facebook page to leave me a message, it is spelled in big bold letters. When you send me a private message on Facebook it is right there in the “to” line. So when you are writing my name and spelling it wrong, it is inconsideration, laziness or ignorance when you spell it wrong? Is it that you think you know better than me how my name should be spelled and you refuse to defer to the spelling that I have lived with for my entire life?

Again, I realize that in the grand scheme of things, someone spelling my name wrong is not a huge betrayal, but it is a small slap in the face. It is disrespectful of you to not take the 10 seconds (or less) necessary to spell it correctly. It makes me angry and often it hurts my feelings. So, PLEASE, stop it.

In closing let me say that I am sorry of this blog has offended you. I feel the way that I feel. My name is Mindi. If you cannot force yourself to spell my name with an I at the end, please feel free to call me Min, or hey you, or crazy bitch. Whatever. Just please, whatever you call me, try to spell it right.

Cruel Comments


This blog is not to the general public. It is not to my family and friends. You are all welcome to read it, of course, but it is written to a specific target and they know who they are. Here you go hater. This is what your comments caused.

I am so, so far from perfect. I have so many issues that some of my issues have issues of their own. I try to be a good person. I’m not always successful. I have an Irish temper. I inherited it honestly. Over the years I have tried to learn to control my temper and behave rationally no matter how angry I am. I am not always successful. Sometimes I get mad and my mouth starts running and before I can catch it, damage is done. Sometimes I hurt the people that I love the most. I am always sorry. I always feel terribly. Even in those times when I was told that what I said was not out of line or that the person might have deserved it, even then I felt terribly. I have never hurt a person without feeling bad about it. I admit, that I have hurt a lot of people, but no one more than myself. I feel bad about that too. For all the times that I said something nasty to someone, whether it was true or not, I have felt ashamed of myself. For all those tears that I have caused, no matter how I felt about the person doing the crying, I have felt guilty. My heart has hurt for every one of the hurts that I have caused and in some cases, I hurt myself way more than the other person.

For all of my mistakes, I can honestly say that I have never attacked a perfect stranger for no good reason. I have never lashed out and said horrible things to someone I didn’t know just because I could. Not that there is ever an excuse for hurting someone, but at least there should be a reason. To attack someone without provocation and cause them pain just because you can is unimaginable to me, yet it has been done to me.

In the months that I have been making YouTube videos I have met some wonderful people. I have made close friends who I love and value more than I can say. I have found support, encouragement and inspiration from people I may never have met otherwise. It has brought me together with people who I hope will always be in my life and though I have never met them in person, many of them have become very important to me.  I am so grateful for all of them and for the opportunity to share our lives with each other. Sadly, it has also brought some nasty people into my life.

There are people on YouTube who have nothing better to do than to go around watching videos and making nasty comments on them. Sometimes they are snide and mocking, belittling, insulting and crude. Sometimes they are downright cruel. I’ve heard them called trolls and haters and some other more colorful names, but whatever they are called, I think they need to be called out.

Now I realize that there is freedom of speech and people have the right to say that they don’t like my videos. That is fine, but they can say that without being ignorant. You can give feedback, positive or negative, without hurting people terribly. While I would rather have everyone tell me that I am wonderful, I am well aware that I am not everyone’s cup of tea. Please feel free to dislike me in a positive way or at the very least, dislike me from a distance. If you don’t like me, you don’t have to watch my videos. You can go on your merry way and leave me alone.

It is very hard to have the courage to make a video about yourself, share yourself, your experiences and your feelings with the world. It is scary to post that video and allow others to see you for who you really are. I know that I willingly put myself out there to be loved or hated, accepted or rejected, and I am willing to face whatever the outcome is, but I don’t think that I should have to be hurt because some people have no sympathy, empathy or tact.

I think that some people get lost in the anonymity of being online. Because you aren’t physically talking to someone, you lose some perspective of things. If you don’t hear yourself say something and see the other person’s reaction, you might not realize the implications of your comments. I’m certain that some of the nasty comments made are simply miscommunication and not meant to be hurtful. Those comments I usually brush off with little further thought. It is the comments that have no possible interpretation other than cruelty. Some comments are made that are so hurtful, I can’t image how anyone can type them without feeling horrible about doing it. I always wonder, when I read comments like that, if I were standing in front of you, would you say that to my face? If your mother, sister or daughter was standing beside you watching what you write, would you still spew your venom? If you knew that I went to bed and cried myself to sleep because you chose to attack me, a perfect stranger, for no other reason than the fact that you have freedom of speech, would that make you stop and think before you leave me another nasty message?

The fact is that I do have a choice whether or not to post videos and I choose to put myself out there. 99% of the time I am glad that I do. I also have a choice in how I react to the comments that I get and whether or not I let them hurt me. Most of the time I don’t, but sometimes I do. Sometimes I let my emotions overwhelm me, and yes, sometimes I am mean, but I am never cruel. Can you say the same?

Mindi’s Bootcamp


People are always asking me what workouts I do. I tell them that I strength train three days a week and I try to do cardio every day. I have had so many people tell me that they either don’t know how to strength train or don’t want to. Many women are afraid to strength train because of the myth that they will get big bulging muscles. That is so not true. It actually takes a concentrated effort to get bulky like that. Strength training gives you lean, strong, healthy muscles that support you in every aspect of your physical life and also help you burn calories. I have to confess that strength training is my absolute least favorite exercise. I hate every minute of it. I hate the pain, the burn and the repetition. It is hard work and not fun. I hate every minute of it and yet I do it religiously because I know how important it is. After you turn 35 you start losing muscle mass and if you don’t take steps to stop that process you will continue to lose. This is not what you want to happen! I tell everyone that they must strength train. So a few weeks ago I started posting “Mindi’s Bootcamp” routines. I post them on my facebook page Mindi’s Taking It Off and my pinterest board Mindi’s Bootcamp. I am not a health or fitness professional. I am just a woman who has been overweight her entire life and is now trying to get healthy. I would love to help others get healthy too. I started off with relatively easy workouts and I have been slowly increasing the difficulty. I am happy with the response that I have gotten from them. I thought I’d share them here too because the more people that I can help the better. I am always open to suggestions and I welcome any comments or questions. Today is Monday and here is the workout for today. Image

Happy sweating!

It’s Time To Walk


I tell my daughter, Marissa, all the time that she is the only one who can control herself. She has control over her actions, her behavior and her attitude. I tell her to think about the kind of person that she wants to be and then act that way. I totally feel like we have control over who we are. We cannot control our feelings, but we can control how much power they have over us. We cannot control other people, but we can control how we react to them. I believe this talk with all my heart and yet lately I have not been walking the walk.

I am, by my nature, a very emotional person. I am sensitive and I feel emotion quickly and strongly. I laugh quickly and cry easily. I get angry and I get hurt. This is all part of who I am and I cannot change this about myself. I have an amazing ability to love people in almost an instant and once I love them I love them always, even when I don’t like them anymore. I want to take care of the people that I care about. I would walk through fire and give everything I have for those that I love. That’s just how I roll.

On the flip side, I have a quick temper and I tend to hold onto a grudge unless I force myself to let it go. I am oversensitive and I get hurt easily. I have a hard time trusting people that I do not know and I am always afraid of getting hurt. I tend to push people away before they have a chance to hurt me. I can be a very pessimistic and negative person. These are things about myself that I don’t like. They make me the kind of person that I do not want to be and most of the time I actively try to overcome them. Lately I have not been doing this. Lately I have been letting the darkness win and the negativity, anger, fear, pain and sadness have been weighing me down.

The kind of person that I want to be is happy, friendly, trusting, strong and open. I want to be all the best parts of me and few of the bad. I want to be optimistic and hopeful all the time. I want to laugh more than I cry. I want to not let other people’s issues affect me. I live my life for me and how they feel about me should not affect my happiness. I want to be the best Min that I can be and nothing else.

So here I am, today, refocusing. I am going to try harder to be better. I have control over the type of person that I want to be and I will be who I want to be. Goodness knows I can talk the talk and now I will walk the walk.

Not Too Daunting


When you are incredibly overweight and you are trying to get healthy, it can seem like an overwhelming task. At times it seems nearly impossible. I have been on my weight loss journey for a while now and I have lost a lot of weight. I am very very proud of how far I have come. Still, there are days when all I can think of is how far I still have left to go. Yes I have lost 159 pounds since January and 199 pounds from my all time high weight, but I still have over 200 pounds to lose before I can reach a healthy weight. Sometimes it feels like I will be on this journey forever and in a very real sense, I will be. My journey does not stop when I hit some arbitrary number on the scale or when I fit into a certain size. I am a food addict who has beaten her body into an incredibly unhealthy state and unless I want it to remain so unhealthy, I  must eat right and exercise every day, for the rest of my life. I’m not saying that I will never overeat again or that I will exercise every single day, but I have to constantly be on alert to not fall back into my old habits. It is way to easy to be unhealthy and I know that that is not the life that I want. It is not easy to take the healthy life path, but it is so very worth it. One year ago I could barely walk and I was in a lot of pain every day. Today I did my Cardio boxing workout, then I went to my daughter’s basketball party and played a little basketball with Shawn and the girls, and then I came home and did some Just Dance 4 with my daughter. That is SO amazing! I never thought that I would be capable of doing all that in a week, let alone in a day. This is why I will not let anything stop me. This is why, even when I get overwhelmed and afraid, tired and discouraged, I push on. This is the life that I want and this is why I fight the battle every day and I always will.

The End Has Come


Today is the last day to submit videos for the ViSalus Showdown Challenge. It is bittersweet. I didn’t even want to do this initially, but I am SO glad that I did. It has been an amazing experience and even if I don’t win, I am glad that I participated. Here is my final video.  Watch, Rate and Share My Video.

Abscessed :(


Sunday afternoon I went to the urgent care center because I have an abscessed tooth that was VERY swollen and VERY painful. The infection had spread and was making me violently ill. I got anti-nausea medicine and antibiotic which I started taking promptly. I did not expect miracles. I knew that it would take at least a day or two for me to start feeling better. After the first 24 hours, the swelling did decrease slightly and the pain decreased very slightly. However, today, 48 hours after my first dose of meds, I am still quite swollen and in an awful lot of pain. I am also now running a fever. I feel awful and all I want to do it sleep. I’m not sure what the right answer is here. I do have a dentist appointment for Monday, but if the swelling and pain are not gone they won’t be able to pull the tooth. It is causing me so much distress. It’s kind of ironic because I have spent so much of my life dealing with physical pain-back pain, knee pain, ankle pain, shoulder pain, nerve pain, etc., I have had migraines and I have been through child birth and this tooth ache is one of, if not the worst pain I have ever felt. No pain medicine touches it and all the home remedies I have tried have failed. So I am one miserable Min right now. Be very glad that you don’t live in my body this day 😦

Never Simple


Today would have been Gram’s 90th birthday. She has been gone a little over two years and I still miss her every day. I still see things that I think she would like or appreciate. As silly as it sounds, I still can’t play scratch off lottery tickets. This morning I made Rissa and I a pot of tea using Gram’s kettle. For the last few days she has really been on my mind. Standing in the kitchen, waiting for the water to boil, I suddenly felt an overwhelming moment of sadness and tears filled my eyes. Then the sun shined through the window and onto my face as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt Gram telling me that I would be okay. I know that she is still with us, watching over us. I know that she loves us and is proud of me for how far I have come in my journey. I also have no doubt that she’s not happy with the way things are in the family right now. There is a rift in my family that is keeping me away from my parents and my siblings. Part of me wants to mend fences, but part of me really doesn’t. I hate to disappoint Gram and I’m not trying to be difficult, but honestly, right now I’m not sure which way I will go. I keep waiting for a moment of clarity but it has yet to come. I sometimes wish it was as simple in real life as it on tv and in the movies. You fight, you make up and it’s all happily ever after. Nothing in my life has ever been simple and for the most part I’m okay with that. I wouldn’t be the person that I am today if not for my complex history, but a moment or two of simplicity might be nice.S