My What’s In A Name Rant


I have a rant. It is a small thing I know, but it has bothered me so many times and I feel the need to complain about it. Please feel free to ignore this blog. It is largely written so I can get the emotions out without actually screaming at an actual person. I am just venting my frustration. Of course if you do read it and realize that it applies to you, maybe it will do some good in that regard too. People’s feelings matter.

I have a rant. I do realize that it is petty. I recognize and admit that it makes me egotistical. I know that in the grand scheme of things, it is small and not overly important. All that being said, it totally pisses me off when someone spells my name wrong.

When I was born my parents decided to name me Mindi and they spelled it M-I-N-D-I. That is my name. I did not pick it nor did I choose how to spell it. My mother wanted my name to be Mindisue. It didn’t end up that way. To be completely honest, I do not like my name and I never have, but it is what it is and I live with it.

When most people hear my name they assume that it is spelled in the traditional way and I forgive them the mistake. I am even understanding and forgiving of the casual acquaintance who misspells it. What really bothers me are the friends and family who I have known for years who still spell my name wrong. I think that after knowing me so long they would know this about me. What bothers me the most is the people who look right at my name and spell it wrong. It has happened with teachers, doctors, and others who have my name clearly written in front of them and yet they still spell it wrong. Facebook is the most common scene of this crime. When you are on my Facebook page to leave me a message, it is spelled in big bold letters. When you send me a private message on Facebook it is right there in the “to” line. So when you are writing my name and spelling it wrong, it is inconsideration, laziness or ignorance when you spell it wrong? Is it that you think you know better than me how my name should be spelled and you refuse to defer to the spelling that I have lived with for my entire life?

Again, I realize that in the grand scheme of things, someone spelling my name wrong is not a huge betrayal, but it is a small slap in the face. It is disrespectful of you to not take the 10 seconds (or less) necessary to spell it correctly. It makes me angry and often it hurts my feelings. So, PLEASE, stop it.

In closing let me say that I am sorry of this blog has offended you. I feel the way that I feel. My name is Mindi. If you cannot force yourself to spell my name with an I at the end, please feel free to call me Min, or hey you, or crazy bitch. Whatever. Just please, whatever you call me, try to spell it right.

Cruel Comments


This blog is not to the general public. It is not to my family and friends. You are all welcome to read it, of course, but it is written to a specific target and they know who they are. Here you go hater. This is what your comments caused.

I am so, so far from perfect. I have so many issues that some of my issues have issues of their own. I try to be a good person. I’m not always successful. I have an Irish temper. I inherited it honestly. Over the years I have tried to learn to control my temper and behave rationally no matter how angry I am. I am not always successful. Sometimes I get mad and my mouth starts running and before I can catch it, damage is done. Sometimes I hurt the people that I love the most. I am always sorry. I always feel terribly. Even in those times when I was told that what I said was not out of line or that the person might have deserved it, even then I felt terribly. I have never hurt a person without feeling bad about it. I admit, that I have hurt a lot of people, but no one more than myself. I feel bad about that too. For all the times that I said something nasty to someone, whether it was true or not, I have felt ashamed of myself. For all those tears that I have caused, no matter how I felt about the person doing the crying, I have felt guilty. My heart has hurt for every one of the hurts that I have caused and in some cases, I hurt myself way more than the other person.

For all of my mistakes, I can honestly say that I have never attacked a perfect stranger for no good reason. I have never lashed out and said horrible things to someone I didn’t know just because I could. Not that there is ever an excuse for hurting someone, but at least there should be a reason. To attack someone without provocation and cause them pain just because you can is unimaginable to me, yet it has been done to me.

In the months that I have been making YouTube videos I have met some wonderful people. I have made close friends who I love and value more than I can say. I have found support, encouragement and inspiration from people I may never have met otherwise. It has brought me together with people who I hope will always be in my life and though I have never met them in person, many of them have become very important to me.  I am so grateful for all of them and for the opportunity to share our lives with each other. Sadly, it has also brought some nasty people into my life.

There are people on YouTube who have nothing better to do than to go around watching videos and making nasty comments on them. Sometimes they are snide and mocking, belittling, insulting and crude. Sometimes they are downright cruel. I’ve heard them called trolls and haters and some other more colorful names, but whatever they are called, I think they need to be called out.

Now I realize that there is freedom of speech and people have the right to say that they don’t like my videos. That is fine, but they can say that without being ignorant. You can give feedback, positive or negative, without hurting people terribly. While I would rather have everyone tell me that I am wonderful, I am well aware that I am not everyone’s cup of tea. Please feel free to dislike me in a positive way or at the very least, dislike me from a distance. If you don’t like me, you don’t have to watch my videos. You can go on your merry way and leave me alone.

It is very hard to have the courage to make a video about yourself, share yourself, your experiences and your feelings with the world. It is scary to post that video and allow others to see you for who you really are. I know that I willingly put myself out there to be loved or hated, accepted or rejected, and I am willing to face whatever the outcome is, but I don’t think that I should have to be hurt because some people have no sympathy, empathy or tact.

I think that some people get lost in the anonymity of being online. Because you aren’t physically talking to someone, you lose some perspective of things. If you don’t hear yourself say something and see the other person’s reaction, you might not realize the implications of your comments. I’m certain that some of the nasty comments made are simply miscommunication and not meant to be hurtful. Those comments I usually brush off with little further thought. It is the comments that have no possible interpretation other than cruelty. Some comments are made that are so hurtful, I can’t image how anyone can type them without feeling horrible about doing it. I always wonder, when I read comments like that, if I were standing in front of you, would you say that to my face? If your mother, sister or daughter was standing beside you watching what you write, would you still spew your venom? If you knew that I went to bed and cried myself to sleep because you chose to attack me, a perfect stranger, for no other reason than the fact that you have freedom of speech, would that make you stop and think before you leave me another nasty message?

The fact is that I do have a choice whether or not to post videos and I choose to put myself out there. 99% of the time I am glad that I do. I also have a choice in how I react to the comments that I get and whether or not I let them hurt me. Most of the time I don’t, but sometimes I do. Sometimes I let my emotions overwhelm me, and yes, sometimes I am mean, but I am never cruel. Can you say the same?

It’s Time To Walk


I tell my daughter, Marissa, all the time that she is the only one who can control herself. She has control over her actions, her behavior and her attitude. I tell her to think about the kind of person that she wants to be and then act that way. I totally feel like we have control over who we are. We cannot control our feelings, but we can control how much power they have over us. We cannot control other people, but we can control how we react to them. I believe this talk with all my heart and yet lately I have not been walking the walk.

I am, by my nature, a very emotional person. I am sensitive and I feel emotion quickly and strongly. I laugh quickly and cry easily. I get angry and I get hurt. This is all part of who I am and I cannot change this about myself. I have an amazing ability to love people in almost an instant and once I love them I love them always, even when I don’t like them anymore. I want to take care of the people that I care about. I would walk through fire and give everything I have for those that I love. That’s just how I roll.

On the flip side, I have a quick temper and I tend to hold onto a grudge unless I force myself to let it go. I am oversensitive and I get hurt easily. I have a hard time trusting people that I do not know and I am always afraid of getting hurt. I tend to push people away before they have a chance to hurt me. I can be a very pessimistic and negative person. These are things about myself that I don’t like. They make me the kind of person that I do not want to be and most of the time I actively try to overcome them. Lately I have not been doing this. Lately I have been letting the darkness win and the negativity, anger, fear, pain and sadness have been weighing me down.

The kind of person that I want to be is happy, friendly, trusting, strong and open. I want to be all the best parts of me and few of the bad. I want to be optimistic and hopeful all the time. I want to laugh more than I cry. I want to not let other people’s issues affect me. I live my life for me and how they feel about me should not affect my happiness. I want to be the best Min that I can be and nothing else.

So here I am, today, refocusing. I am going to try harder to be better. I have control over the type of person that I want to be and I will be who I want to be. Goodness knows I can talk the talk and now I will walk the walk.

Never Simple


Today would have been Gram’s 90th birthday. She has been gone a little over two years and I still miss her every day. I still see things that I think she would like or appreciate. As silly as it sounds, I still can’t play scratch off lottery tickets. This morning I made Rissa and I a pot of tea using Gram’s kettle. For the last few days she has really been on my mind. Standing in the kitchen, waiting for the water to boil, I suddenly felt an overwhelming moment of sadness and tears filled my eyes. Then the sun shined through the window and onto my face as the tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt Gram telling me that I would be okay. I know that she is still with us, watching over us. I know that she loves us and is proud of me for how far I have come in my journey. I also have no doubt that she’s not happy with the way things are in the family right now. There is a rift in my family that is keeping me away from my parents and my siblings. Part of me wants to mend fences, but part of me really doesn’t. I hate to disappoint Gram and I’m not trying to be difficult, but honestly, right now I’m not sure which way I will go. I keep waiting for a moment of clarity but it has yet to come. I sometimes wish it was as simple in real life as it on tv and in the movies. You fight, you make up and it’s all happily ever after. Nothing in my life has ever been simple and for the most part I’m okay with that. I wouldn’t be the person that I am today if not for my complex history, but a moment or two of simplicity might be nice.S

Life is Worth Fighting For


This is National Suicide Prevention week and Monday was World Suicide Prevention Day. Suicide is a sensitive subject and one that has all too often touched my life. I have lost several people that I love far too early to suicide. This video is not only about my weight loss, but also a little bit about suicide prevention.

Watch, Rate and Share My Video.

Video Blogs Killed the Camera Phobe


As of today, I have posted 11 video blogs for the ViSalus Showdown Challenge. 11!  That is pretty impressive for someone who has always hated being in front of the camera. I love taking pictures, but not being in them. It’s funny because now I actually really like doing the videos. I like talking about Body by Vi and how it has changed my life. I love telling everyone how amazing the shakes taste and the incredible effect they have had on my life. I like sharing my experiences and passing on advice. If my videos help/inspire/encourage one person, then I feel like it’s all worthwhile. Of course, some videos are more fun to make than others, and some are really hard to watch, but that’s part of being honest and letting my emotions come through. Some of the videos make me laugh and some make my cry, even after watching them several times. I have a couple of videos that I have been working on for a while that I haven’t gotten made or finished editing yet because they are difficult. Sometimes it’s hard to share so much, but it really is cleansing to open yourself up to the world. Yes, some people are going to be rude and ignorant and judgmental, but that happens in real life too and some people are so supportive. Then there are the people who say that my videos inspire and encourage them. That is the very best thing about the whole thing. I love being able to help anyone.  I have a month left on my 90 day challenge and a little more left on the Showdown Challenge, so I’m asking you to please watch, rate and share my videos. To watch and rate the ones on Facebook you have to be signed into Facebook and go to the Showdown App. Here are the links to them in order of most newest (today) to oldest.

Shakin’ It Up

Moving Forward

I Dare You

Mindi’s Family Talks

Falling Off The Wagon

Just Dance

I’m So Excited

Motivation

Hiking

Exercise

Mindi’s Taking It Off

So there they all are, so far. I appreciate you taking the time to watch and rate them. I love that you share with your friends and family. I enjoy (almost all of) your comments. As always, here are the links to my other pages:

Join the Body by Vi 90 Day Challenge

My Fan Page – Mindi’s Taking It Off

And again, thank you, thank you, thank you for all the love and support you have given me. It is much appreciated!

 

 

 

 

So I Don’t Repeat The Past


I was going through old files on my computer and I found videos that I recorded in April of 2011. I was contacted by a recruiter and asked to submit an audition for a weight loss show (Heavy), so I put together some videos and sent them in. Unfortunately the show was cancelled before my videos were ever seen. I forgot all about it until I came across the videos in my files.

When I saw the videos there on my computer I thought, hey let’s watch these. How funny will they be. Yeah, well, they weren’t. At the time that I recorded them, I was somewhere between 550-570 pounds. I was in pain-physically and emotionally and I was miserable. I was so sad in those videos that it was overwhelming.

My Gram had just died six months before I made the videos, Shawn had just gotten fired, and it felt like my life was falling apart. I was gaining back all the weight that I had worked so hard to lose and my marriage was falling apart. It wasn’t because we didn’t love each other. It was because I didn’t love myself and I was too miserable to go on. He was afraid and angry and trying to take on more blame than he deserved. It was a bad time and in the videos it shows.

My first thought, immediately after the initial LOOK HOW FAT I WAS!!!, was look how sad I was! My first reaction was, let’s erase these! I almost did, but I didn’t. I spent so much of my life not looking in mirrors, not having my picture taken, not paying attention to myself because I didn’t want to see the truth. I don’t want to do that ever again. I’m done hiding. Hiding got me to 400 pounds, 500 pounds, 600 pounds and it will not get me back there again.

I decided that I am going to, not only keep the videos, but edit them and use them in my challenge. It may take a while because there is about 45 minutes of videos, so I need to do A LOT of editing, but I’ll get it done. I need to see my past and show you my past, so that you and I can both see why my future is so important. No matter where you have come from in your life, you can go anywhere that you want to go. Don’t ever give up.

As always, links are below. Thank you for your ongoing love and support. It means more than I can ever say.

Are you ready for the challenge?

Mindi’s Taking It Off

Help Me Win The Challenge Showdown