It’s Time To Walk

I tell my daughter, Marissa, all the time that she is the only one who can control herself. She has control over her actions, her behavior and her attitude. I tell her to think about the kind of person that she wants to be and then act that way. I totally feel like we have control over who we are. We cannot control our feelings, but we can control how much power they have over us. We cannot control other people, but we can control how we react to them. I believe this talk with all my heart and yet lately I have not been walking the walk.

I am, by my nature, a very emotional person. I am sensitive and I feel emotion quickly and strongly. I laugh quickly and cry easily. I get angry and I get hurt. This is all part of who I am and I cannot change this about myself. I have an amazing ability to love people in almost an instant and once I love them I love them always, even when I don’t like them anymore. I want to take care of the people that I care about. I would walk through fire and give everything I have for those that I love. That’s just how I roll.

On the flip side, I have a quick temper and I tend to hold onto a grudge unless I force myself to let it go. I am oversensitive and I get hurt easily. I have a hard time trusting people that I do not know and I am always afraid of getting hurt. I tend to push people away before they have a chance to hurt me. I can be a very pessimistic and negative person. These are things about myself that I don’t like. They make me the kind of person that I do not want to be and most of the time I actively try to overcome them. Lately I have not been doing this. Lately I have been letting the darkness win and the negativity, anger, fear, pain and sadness have been weighing me down.

The kind of person that I want to be is happy, friendly, trusting, strong and open. I want to be all the best parts of me and few of the bad. I want to be optimistic and hopeful all the time. I want to laugh more than I cry. I want to not let other people’s issues affect me. I live my life for me and how they feel about me should not affect my happiness. I want to be the best Min that I can be and nothing else.

So here I am, today, refocusing. I am going to try harder to be better. I have control over the type of person that I want to be and I will be who I want to be. Goodness knows I can talk the talk and now I will walk the walk.

I’ve Been Cheating…Kind Of

So I do realize that I’ve been slacking in the writing of my blogs and I apologize. I really do. I’ve been doing video blogs and they take up a lot of time. You have to record them, edit them and upload them. It’s a much longer process than just typing out a blog. Maybe I am too lazy with my written blog, but generally I just type it and send it. Occasionally I will go back and edit a little, but usually I just free write. I have always loved to write and always hated to edit, but I digress…

So I here I am knee deep in video blogging and feeling like I’m cheating on my written blog just a little. I love writing. I really do. The thing is that sometimes what I am saying does not truly come across in my writing. The fault there is entirely mine. If I were a better writer I could totally convey exactly what I mean, but alas, I am not. However, when I do a video blog, it is obvious (to most) when I am joking and when I am being serious. You can (usually) tell on my video if I am being sarcastic or not. It is easier to say what I think and feel sometimes than it is to write them.

So yeah, I’ve been doing a lot of video blogging. If you’re on youtube, please subscribe to me. I think you can subscribe to me here or look me up by my name, Mindi Raley. I love to have people watch and comment on my videos. If you are on youtube let me know and I will follow you as well.

For those of you who are not on youtube, I promise to try to write at least a blog or two a week. I will try. That’s all that I can do. As always, thank you for your love and support!

My Body by Vi page

Mindi’s Taking It Off


MY OpinioN

I started this blog months ago. Its been a draft for all this time. I’ve gone back to it a few times, but have never finished. In the waking events of my life and some friends’ lives, I have decided to finish it and post it. I realize that it may offend some people. It may cause some people to gossip. It may even cause some people to defriend me. I am okay with that. I don’t care what anyone says about me. I’m ok with who I am. Its taken me over 30 years to get to the point where I am ok, but I am. I’m aware of my faults and working to correct them as much as I can. I know my strengths and weaknesses. I know what is important and who I can count on. If someone reads this and changes their mind about me, then they never really knew me at all and good riddance. I will not beg anyone to accept me. I beg everyone to accept each other.

Yes or no? Black or white? Either or? Nope. Life doesn’t work that way. What about maybe? Sometimes? Often? Then there’s gray, eggshell, and ivory, charcoal and ash, not to mention red, blue, yellow, and what you get when you start mixing the colors: orange and green and purple. Life is not lived in black and white and very very rarely are things ever as simple as yes or no. So why do people feel the need to slap a label on something or to try to break complex issues down to a simple 2 choice answer? Not everyone is straight. Not everyone who isn’t straight is homosexual. There are many complexities of sexuality and not everyone fits into a neat little category. As long as no one is hurting anyone, what right do you have to judge anyone’s sexuality? If it doesn’t involve you directly, then really, it does not concern you. What you do in your bedroom is your business. Not everyone is into eating white bread all day every day. That’s ok. Your way of life is in no way affected by my sex life and vice versa. I will never understand homophobia. I will never understand intolerance. I am married to a man who I love. When I met him and fell in love with him I wasn’t thinking its ok to love him because I’m a woman and he’s a man. I met him, got to know him, and fell in love with who he is as a person, not what he is as a body. I have loved a few men in my life. I have also loved a few women. If things had been different, I may have decided to marry a woman. Would that make my love any less real? No. My sexuality does not come from a place of gender. I am attracted to a person not a sex. That’s what feels right to me. I don’t expect anyone else to feel that way. If you do, great. If you don’t great. I don’t judge you. Please don’t judge me. Don’t condemn anyone else for doing what feels right to them. If you believe that the world was created in a week by an omnipotent creator then good for you. If I don’t believe that, then that is my right. I don’t hate you for your beliefs, so why would you hate me for mine? Almost every religious text, regardless of their origin of beliefs, says the same kind of things about how to treat people. They all say to love each other, respect each other, live and let live. People are so down on wicca, but the first rule of wicca is DO NO HARM. Don’t hurt anyone or anything. How bad can a religion truly be if the most important rule is don’t hurt anyone? Learn more before you judge. The election is coming in a matter of months and so the blood shed is already beginning. People are picking sides like this country is one giant game of red rover with so many suspected adults are acting like giant children. You’re either with us or against us. But really is that how it has to be? I am a registered Democrat, but I vote all over the map. Yes I believe in universal health care. I’ve done the research and I know that it can and does work. I believe in helping people and sharing both the burdens and the wealth. I believe in making education more available and attainable to everyone. That’s my left leaning side. Now I also believe in capital punishment. I know it’s not a deterrent for crime but it does stop that particular individual. I don’t believe it should be used in every case, but in some cases I absolutely believe in it. I believe in American’s right to bear arms. I think you should have to be sane to own a gun, but if you are mentally sound and not a criminal, yes you should be able to own a gun. I will, however, never see the need for guns that shoot 100 rounds a minute. That seems ridiculous to me, but that’s just my opinion. Its MY opinion. Mine. If you know me and you care about me, then you should realize that I have my own opinions and a lot of them actually. I am who I am. I don’t expect you to agree with everything that comes out of my mouth. I don’t even agree with everything that comes out oy my mouth. Sometimes I am completely full of crap! But that’s ok. Life is about learning and growing, challenging ourselves and others to learn. Sometimes we need to argue our points to find the best answer. Sometimes we may change each other’s minds, and sometimes we may change our own. Of course sometimes there really is no right answer. Sometimes there is more than one right answer. Sometimes we have no other option than to agree to disagree and that’s ok. We can still be friends when we stand on opposite sides of the fence. Sometimes we can meet in the middle. Sometimes we can just avoid that issue. I am who I am and its ok. You are who you are and it’s probably ok too 🙂 People judge each other and criticize each other and are sometimes downright cruel to each other over differences. Its ridiculous! We cannot all be straight, white, christian, and conservative, and thank goodness for that! What kind of boring ass life would that be? We are all different and we are all beautiful. There’s no need to fit everyone into a box with a label to be put neatly on a shelf. Life is not organized. Its messy and imperfect and beautiful and I for one, wouldn’t want it any other way! .

Cycles 01/21/2012

Cycles 01/21/2012

Cycles of the earth

Cycles of the moon

Cycles of my body

And of our love

Summer’s heat burns us

But keeps us longing for the glow

Winter’s kiss freezes

Like your icy stare

Fall brings death

Like my body growing old

No longer green

Unable to produce a bloom

We spin through our lives

Unable to stop the orbit

Unable to control the changes

That breathe us into life

And out of love

5 a.m. writing

Lately I’ve been writing…in my head…that is thinking of stories, songs, poems, lines that I like. I don’t know if anything will become of them. I’ve always done this, made up stories in my mind. I think I could’ve written a hundred books by now if I have ever bothered to write them down, but alas, I am quite lazy. So sometimes I start a story that I never finish. Sometimes I don’t even let it begin outside of my mind. I used to write poetry daily, or at least most days. Actually I would usually binge write. I’d spend hours writing and writing until I purged myself of lines of poetry and then I wouldn’t write again for days tor weeks. Sometimes if I really focused I could spread the writing out over a period of days or weeks so I only wrote a little at a time. Sometimes it depended on my life. I always wrote the most when I was miserable. I suppose that is the way it goes. Artists are always most prolific if they are suffering and in pain. I spent most of my youth suffering and I was quite the writer. Not really any good, but I wrote a lot. Mostly bad poetry but also some short stories. I got the idea for longer stories, maybe even novels, but I just never had the gung-ho to finish them. I’ve never really been good at finishing anything. I hate it about myself and yet I still don’t change it. If I changed all the things about myself that I hate, who would I be? Anyway, this appears to be turning into a free writing since I can’t seem to stay on topic. I don’t even know what the topic was supposed to be really. I just tried to lay down in bed and all these ideas flooded me at once and I kept thinking that I needed to write them down so I wouldn’t forget. Ideas for stories, characters, maybe an outline or two. I pulled a piece of bad poetry out as well. Maybe I’ll write them all down, turn them into something. Maybe they’ll just pile up high with the skeletons of all the other bits of writing I’ve accumulated over the years. I guess we’ll have to wait and see…