Food, food, how do I love thee….and hate thee….

I am struggling. I always do. EVERY day I struggle with my food addiction. I’ve been keeping track of what I eat again. I should ALWAYS do this because it keeps me thinking about every food choice I make. It also disgusts me when I realize how many calories I eat when I’m NOT keeping track. I was doing pretty good until last night when I had a nacho blowout. I ate half a bag and it was a BIG bag. I was feeling a little sorry for myself and BAM! Bye bye chips! Then I felt awful so I ate some ham. How dumb is that? Very dumb yes indeed. Food doesn’t make me feel better. Ok, maybe it does, for about 5 minutes, but then I feel ALOT worse than I did to begin with because not only do I feel bad about whatever the original problem was, but then I also feel awful about what I ate. Stupid cycle that I all too often repeat. Its an addiction and like almost any addiction, habits must be broken and patterns must be changed. I have to face it, accept it, and let it go. I watched the documentary “Fat Sick and Nearly Dead” and I was amazed. What a great example. Ever since I saw it, I’ve been trying to convince myself to do a 10 day juice fast. I know it will clean out my system and reboot my body. It will kickstart my weight loss and hopefully give me some much needed energy. I think its a good idea and I want to do it…except that I don’t want to do it. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE juice, fruit AND vegetable juice, and I could easily drink juice all day. That would not be the problem. The problem is that I am a carnivore and I’m not ashamed to admit it. I love meat. It makes me feel bad because I love animals and once I’ve seen them in person I cannot bring myself to eat that particular one, which is why I could never live on a working farm, BUT I digress. (I’m always off on a tangent, aren’t I?) Its another thing I struggle with. I wish I didn’t but I do love meat, and eggs, and butter, milk, cheese, etc. I might be able to go 10 days without rice and pasta, and I could definitely go 10 days without bread, but 10 days without meat, or cheese, or eggs…I seriously don’t know. I might naw someone’s arm off standing in line at Walmart.